


a disruptive star

by cowomet



Category: haikyuu
Genre: M/M, iwaizumi is sister struggling and also a control freak, rated t for languge and some nsfw jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28518579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowomet/pseuds/cowomet
Summary: People always say that falling in love is a soft, gentle thing. A feeling of butterflies emerging from their cocoons and fluttering in your stomach. A feeling of warmth spreading through you every time your eyes land on them.Iwaizumi was starting to discover that it was a very different case for him, because he'd made the horrible,horriblemistake of falling for Oikawa Tooru.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 14
Kudos: 74





	a disruptive star

**Author's Note:**

> an iwaoi fic because i, too, am angry and in love with my childhood best friend

Typically, the things that happened in Iwaizumi's life went the way he wanted them to. His hands were always gripped tightly onto fate's steering wheel, driving things the way he planned for them to go. 

Of course, there were some occasions where he couldn't control everything. That was how life is, after all, no matter how smoothly things usually went for him. It wasn't like he could predict when Hanamaki and Matsuhana would try to throw rocks at their teammates, and he'd originally planned on becoming captain instead of his nuisance of a childhood friend. Still, though, for the most part, things went exactly as they should - exactly the way his plans led them. He may not be able to control others no matter how hard he tried, but he could control himself, and that was good enough for him. He kept his emotions and thoughts on a leash, making sure they never went places he didn't want them to. That was just the way he'd always been. 

That is, that was the way they had always been _before_ his third and final year at Aoba Johsai began. Since then, he figures he must have crashed the car and dropped the leash. 

He first noticed that he'd lost his control at a sleepover at Oikawa's a few weeks after the year started. It was a normal occurrence, really, one of them spending the night at the others, except this time, Matsukawa and Hanamaki had joined them, which meant that things were bound to go downhill. He'd tried to tune out their conversation, since listening always led to being involved somehow, but somehow they still managed to capture his attention. 

"I'm gonna kick your ass, Mattsun," their pink haired wing spiker said with a triumphant smirk on his face. Iwaizumi raised a brow and looked over at them. 

Matsukawa scoffed. "Like anyone would ever willingly hire you. You're not winning this, pinky." 

"They're betting on who'll get the weirdest job one day," Oikawa explained to him when he noticed he'd snapped back into reality, a smirk on his face. "I've got my money on Mattsun." 

"You two are gonna end up broke," Iwaizumi said bluntly, laying down on the soft carpet of Oikawa's room. "You better not try to room with me when you're homeless. I deal with your asses enough already." 

Hanamaki threw a pillow at him. "Have a little faith in us, man! I'll make a great living wage as a -" He paused, trying to think of a career that'd be strange enough to grant him the victory. "Fucking...I'll make sequins for a living!" 

_"Sequins?"_ Matsukawa cut in, holding back his laughter. "You're gonna try and beat my dishwasher manufacturing company with _sequins?"_

"Why dishwashers specifically?" Oikawa asked, tilting his head. 

Matsukawa shrugged. "Everyone does dishes. I think it'll make me some good cash." 

"So I can crash at your place if Iwaizumi's right and I _do_ end up homeless?"

"You'd burn my house down."

"And you'd make a fire pun out of it and watch it burn from the inside."

"Fair point." 

"You guys are fuckin' insane," Iwaizumi sat up and crossed his arms, leaning his back against the wall. "We all know you're gonna end up being a drug dealer, Makki; quit lying to yourself about sequins." 

Hanamaki's _what the hell?!_ was drowned out by the laughter of the other two. "You know what? If I end up a drug dealer, at least Mattsun can't beat that with his fucking dishwashers!"

"I dunno, man, making dishwashers is still pretty weird to me."

Hanamaki sighed loudly and draped himself dramatically over Oikawa's bed. "When will the Makki slander end?"

"Never," Oikawa said, grabbing the pillow that had been thrown at Iwaizumi to hit Hanamaki over the head with it. "And get off my bed! You're messing up my blankets!"

Hanamaki rolled off the bed and onto the floor with a thump. "Can we go back to bullying Oikawa? I like it more when we're bullying Oikawa."

"Yes," Iwaizumi said, at the same time Oikawa shouted _"No!_

"What? You have a problem with that, Shittykawa?" The ace asked, glancing over at his childhood friend. "Makki's suffered enough. We're going back to bullying you now." 

_"Iwa-chan!_ I trusted you!"

"Why would you do that?" Matsukawa asked, walking over to where the two sat to flick Oikawa's forehead. He tried to kick the middle blocker, but Matsukawa jumped out of the way before he could. "All Hajime over here ever does is yell at you. You shouldn't be surprised, really." 

Oikawa scoffed. "Can we go back to talking about Makki's sequin and drug business?" 

"Oh!" Hanamaki sat up from his spot on the floor next to Oikawa's bed to point at their captain. "If we do end up broke, it won't really matter anyway. Tooru can pay for all our shit."

"Wh -" Oikawa looked around for another pillow to throw at him. "I'm not gonna be your sugar daddy, Makki!" He shouted once he finally grabbed one, throwing it and hitting the wing spiker right in the face. 

Hanamaki didn't seem to notice how hard Matsukawa and Iwaizumi were laughing over this, and if he did he didn't care, just threw the pillow back at him and just barely missed Oikawa's head. "C'mon, you'll have plenty of money to waste on us once you're on Japan's team! You can afford to save us from poverty!" 

Oikawa grabbed the pillow and ran over to him to hit him with it. "I'm not gonna be on Japan's team, and you're not getting my money either way!" 

"Oi, Shittykawa, you suck at pillow fights; let him go!" 

"You better get on Japan's team; I wanna make dishwashers for our country's setter!"

 _"Can you stop hitting me with a pillow now?!"_

Oikawa huffed and tossed the pillow over to Matsukawa before going back to sit down next to Iwaizumi again. "I could never get onto Japan's team. Okay, well, I _could,"_ he added hurriedly when Iwaizumi opened his mouth to argue with him. "I'll definitely be good enough for a national team at some point. But Ushiwaka will be shooting for Japan's team, and the day I work with him is the day I've gone mental." He explained, running a hand through his hair. 

"You're a fucking dumbass if you let your grudge stop you." Iwaizumi said in a voice even blunter than usual, glaring at him. 

"Quit looking at me like that, Iwa-chan! I'm not done!" He said, frowning. "It's not like I'm giving up on being on a national team! I actually -" He paused. "Nevermind." 

Matsukawa raised a brow. "Spill." 

"You can't make me do anything!"

"Oikawa," Iwaizumi said, voice low. The setter huffed once again, avoiding their eyes. 

"Knock, knock, Tooru," Hanamaki said, propping himself up on his elbows. "Anybody home?"

Oikawa mumbled something so quick and quiet even Iwaizumi wasn't close enough to catch it. "C'mon, speak up. What's up with you?"

Familiar brown eyes drew themselves up to meet Iwaizumi's. "Coach told me a few weeks ago that I got an offer to train with a pro team after I graduate and join them eventually." 

Matsukawa whistled. "Damn, Tooru, already? Guess I'm not really surprised. Which team?"

"What do you mean, _guess?_ You're supposed to be the supportive one here, Mattsun!" Oikawa cried, seeming to wish he still had a pillow to throw at his friend. "It's…" His voice lost the normal touch of confidence it always held, sounding a little solemn when he picked the sentence back up. "It's a team in Argentina. I'm supposed to look for colleges there if I wanna attend one, but I haven't gotten around to it yet." 

The room was quiet for a moment. Oikawa. In Argentina. Iwaizumi wasn't sure why the thought made his chest ache when he'd only just been told of it. 

He wasn't surprised, at least not really. He'd always known that Oikawa would continue to pursue volleyball until he was at the top - hell, he'd probably have to be too injured to continue playing before he ever paused or took a break. He'd always known that the reality of the situation was that Oikawa couldn't stay in Japan forever if he wanted to achieve his goals. Hell, even Iwaizumi didn't want to be stuck in this country for life, and he didn't even have a planned career to pursue (for a short, humorless moment he considered joining Mattsun and Makki's game of finding odd careers). 

But he'd thought that there would be more time before that. He didn't think that Oikawa would be up and gone the second he started college. He had never stopped to consider the fact that the two would ever be more than a train ride away this soon. 

He didn't like the empty feeling that formed in his stomach at the thought of them being apart. 

Hanamaki finally broke the silence that had settled over the four of them. Iwaizumi hoped that the other two were dealing with the same feeling as he was. "Argentina, huh?" Oikawa nodded. "Bet you only accepted that so you could keep wearing blue." 

"Hey! It was a good offer! And I look good in blue!" Matsukawa let out a bark of laughter and Iwaizumi hoped that it wasn't noticeable when his chuckle was forced. 

"Enough of all this shit," Matsukawa said, standing up and grabbing the remote off of Oikawa's nightstand and turning the TV on. "I wanna watch Ponyo."

"What are you, five?" Hanamaki asked, but he moved over to sit next to him, and the other two followed suit shortly after. 

Iwaizumi tries to pretend his mind was on the movie and not his friend leaving, but he had a feeling his acting wasn't very convincing.

———

The sun had set just moments ago outside of Aoba Johsai's gym, the court inside deserted aside from the team's captain and ace. The former was going through his usual grueling serve practice, smacking down a new ball what felt like every few seconds to the ladder, who stood on the other side of the net trying to receive them. "Oi, it's getting late, Shittykawa," Iwaizumi called as he watched his friend pick up yet another ball out of the near empty basket. "We should get going."

"Just a few more, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said airily, tossing the ball up into the air. Iwaizumi watched the careful steps he took before he jumped, hitting the ball hard enough that when the ace tried to receive it, it flew off of his arms and out of the court. 

"You've said _'just a few more'_ twelve times now, dumbass," he said, shaking out his arms. "Do you really wanna lose to Karasuno tomorrow because you tired yourself out?"

Oikawa paused before sighing and setting the ball he'd just picked up back into the basket. "No," he grumbled, and Iwaizumi had to fight back a smile at the familiar pout on his face. _Why? He does that all the time. The hell made it feel different this time?_ He wondered, turning to start picking up the balls on his side of the court. 

"You'd never stop practicing if I didn't stop you. The hell are you gonna do in Argentina?" He said in a half scolding voice as he dropped the balls he'd managed to carry over into the basket. Oikawa didn't answer for a moment, picking one of the balls up and staring at the red, green, and white stripes. "Oi. You good?" 

"I don't know." He said, eyes trained on the ball. Iwaizumi raised a brow. "About the Argentina thing, I mean," Oikawa continued, perking up a bit as he snapped out of his thoughts. "I'm good, though. And you're not my mom, Iwa-chan," he said with a teasing smile as he tossed the ball over to him. 

He glared at him when he caught it, not liking that his smile made his heart beat faster, and threw it back at him, the ball hitting his friend in the stomach. "Wh - hey! What was that for?!" Oikawa ran after the ball and was about to throw it back, but when he glanced back up, Iwaizumi was holding two more, an evil grin painted on his face. "Iwa-chan, we are _not_ having a snowball fight with volleyballs again. Last time we did that, we both ended at the nurse's office."

 _"You_ ended up at the nurse's office," he corrected, placing the balls back into the basket and motioning for Oikawa to toss the one he had back. _"I_ was only there because I had to walk you." 

Oikawa let out a small _hmph_ as they started tossing the ball back and forth, a simple thing they often found themselves doing after Iwaizumi forced him to stop practicing. "Whatever. We were still both in there because you had to wait for me." 

Silence fell over the two of them, the only sound being the ball bouncing from one's hands to the court to the other's hands. Iwaizumi liked these moments where it was just the two of them, no words spoken, even if they'd be halfway home by now if they skipped this. Oikawa, court, Iwaizumi, court, Oikawa. It was a cycle that lasted a few moments before Oikawa spoke up once more. 

"Where are you going for college, Iwa-chan? You mentioned thinking about a foreign exchange thing. Where to?" 

He wished he could say Argentina. He wished he could say he found a college to go to where they wouldn't be so far from each other. But he couldn't, no matter how badly he wanted to. 

Why does he want to? He's not entirely sure. Was he losing control even over his own thoughts?

"California." Oikawa raised a brow, tossing the ball again. "A place in the US - c'mon, I know you've heard of it before, dumbass. It's like the Tokyo of America."

"Wouldn't that be New York, since Tokyo's a city?"

"New York is a state. New York _City_ is a city."

"You're so technical, Iwa-chan, they're basically the same thing. Anyway, why California?"

Iwaizumi shrugged, holding the ball for a few seconds more than usual before tossing it back. "It just looked interesting, I guess. And I've gotten pretty close to fluent in English, so I think I can handle it."

Oikawa giggled to himself. "I bet your accent will be super heavy." 

"Shut it, Shittykawa. You only manage to pass English because I help you study." 

"We're _Japanese,_ Iwa-chan, I don't _need_ to know English."

"In that case, you also don't _need_ to know Spanish, but you're still gonna learn that so you can actually talk to people." 

Oikawa hummed in resignation, and the silence returned once again. Iwaizumi studied the look on his face as they continued passing the ball. He did this often, reading his friend's expressions, since Oikawa wasn't one to voice his worries as to not let down his aggressively confident and positive persona. His eyes were trained on the ball, mind most definitely on other things - the game tomorrow, he guessed. Iwaizumi couldn't blame him. This was their last Spring High, their last shot at going to Nationals, and to make matters worse they were facing one of Oikawa's many sworn enemies. He'd been...off, in the past few weeks, though it never showed in his playing style. The game with Date Tech they'd played earlier especially - with how many training camps and practice games the two teams had together, they were on good terms with all of the players, but something in Oikawa's eyes told him that friendships with other teams no longer meant a thing. All that mattered was getting to Nationals. 

It was times like those, he thought, where Oikawa was so much scarier than people thought Iwaizumi was. The first time he'd seen that look in his eyes was in junior high, and even he'd been almost scared to talk to him after they lost that game. 

If he was perfectly honest with himself, as much as he wanted to go to Nationals with his teammates, he'd secretly agreed with Hanamaki when he'd said something about how they wouldn't get very far if they did. Even Oikawa knew that, deep down, Iwaizumi thought - his best friend was too smart to be completely blinded by his ego. If they couldn't beat Shiratorizawa just once, they wouldn't last against other Nationals-level teams, either. 

"We have to win tomorrow, Iwa-chan." Oikawa's voice broke the peaceful silence once more. His eyes lifted to look into Iwaizumi's, and for the first time he realized just how deep they were. He could get lost in them if he stared too long. 

Why was he noticing this just now? He'd looked at them so many times before. What was going on with him today? 

"We will," he said, not tossing the ball back when it was passed to him. He held it tightly in his hands and stared at Oikawa. He had no control over the words he spoke next. "I promise we will." 

———

It's almost funny how quickly he started to regret those words, he thinks now, as he stands with his fists clenched at his sides beside his teammates as they bowed to the people that had cheered them on during the tournament. It's a bitter feeling, believing you're the reason everything went wrong - though he supposes he should be used to it by now, after so many years of losing to Shiratorizawa and now to Karasuno. 

What is a new and unfamiliar feeling, however, is the anger that felt like a match about to be dropped into gasoline. Failing to get to Nationals always hurt. It was always painful, it was always depressing, and was always disappointing. He'd gotten angry because of it before - the still-splintered bark of the tree in his backyard and the small scars on his knuckles proved that - but it was never like this. It was always sadness and exhaustion first, and only once he'd passed that stage did the anger come. 

Now, though, as he looked over at Oikawa while they walked off the court, the three were lumped together, a mix of emotions messier than Matsukawa's hair. _I'm sorry, Oikawa._

Normally, if Iwaizumi was ever in a situation where he felt he needed to apologize, he'd at the very least say it aloud for them to hear. Right now, though, speaking to him felt like the worst idea he'd ever had, so he kept it in his mind, hoping that the real reason this was such a painful loss was because it was his last game.

_I'm sorry._

———

The moon was high in the sky above them as the two third years left the gym - long after the rest of their teammates, as usual. He'd managed to pull Oikawa away from training easier than usual, and the usual tossing of the ball had been skipped. It was unnervingly quiet for the two of them, the only sound being their footsteps and the wind blowing against the leaves of the trees around them. Oikawa's _Thank you for the last three years_ still rang through his mind, taunting him with each word. 

Oikawa had his final heartfelt moment as captain with all the other third years around them. 

Iwaizumi would have his final heartfelt moment as the ace with only Oikawa around to hear his words. 

He sucked in a breath of cold air, heart heavier than he'd ever admit as he spoke. "Oikawa, you...you probably won't ever be happy, even if you live to be a hundred years old." 

"Huh?" Oikawa glanced up, a shocked expression on his face. "What kind of curse is that?! Where did that even come from?!"

Iwaizumi would have laughed if he had the energy to find humor in the situation. "Even if you win all the biggest tournaments out there, no matter how proud of you everyone is, I can't see you truly being satisfied with perfection, even with how hard you always try to achieve it." His friend stared at him, deep brown eyes searching his face as he continued. "Instead you'll give everything you have, all of your heart and soul, to volleyball. That's just how big of a pain in the ass you are."

"You didn't need to add that last part, you know," Oikawa said, letting out a small, humorless laugh. 

He sighed. "Even so…" He bit his lip. He'd been scripting this in his head since they lost, but it felt strange to finally say the words out loud. It felt like his life depended on how carefully he chose his words, even if he knew that nothing would change no matter what he said. "Keep going on like this. Don't stop, and don't hesitate." 

He finally looked over at Oikawa, watching him blink in confusion. He could understand why - for years, Iwaizumi had told him that he should stop chasing after perfection and start being more realistic. He knew he must sound like a stranger now, telling him to keep doing as he always did, but he wouldn't be right by his side forever. He wanted to get his thoughts out now - well, most of them, anyway. He came to a stop, Oikawa following suit, as the two friends locked eyes with each other. 

His hands tightened into fists that shook at his sides as his voice rose up to its normal volume. "I'm proud to have been your partner for so long...and you're such an incredible setter." Oikawa stared at him, eyes widening. He opened his mouth to speak, but Iwaizumi continued before he could. An interruption would break the focus it was taking not to say something that some force he didn't understand that sat in the back of his head wanted to say. "From now on, even if the team changes - that will stay the same. It will always stay the same."

The glow of the streetlights around them illuminated the look on Oikawa's face. To anyone else, it would have been unnoticeable. To Iwaizumi, it made him look like he was shining brighter than the moon above them. 

"And that's why when we face each other, I'll crush you." 

He couldn't say that was exactly the way he had planned for those words to come out, but he figured it was in character for him anyway, so he didn't berate himself for it. 

Oikawa smiled, and warmth sparked in Iwaizumi's chest when he saw that it was the rare genuine one he'd come to cherish every sight of. "Bring it on, then, Hajime." 

They both raised an arm, gazes locked onto each other, and bumped their fists together, something they'd done countless times since the day they first met in kindergarten. To any outsiders, it would be nothing but a simple gesture, with no hidden meaning behind it. To them, it was a promise - a promise that one day, they would face each other once more, be it on or off the court, allies or opponents. 

It was a promise that no matter what the world threw at them, no matter how far apart they were, they would stick together, as they always swore they would. 

"You owe me ramen for putting up with your ass for so long, by the way."

"You just _had_ to ruin the moment, didn't you, Iwa-chan?"

———

The night after the two graduated, Iwaizumi found himself staring at the ceiling. Sleeping seemed like an impossible task with a certain setter cluttering every empty spot in his mind. He guessed that was fitting, given Oikawa's personality.

He was starting to give up hope on regaining the grip he used to have on his mind. His thoughts would travel no matter how hard he tried to keep them in one place, and it was getting impossible to ignore or control it. Not when he saw the person that clogged his mind nearly every day. 

Stupid Oikawa. Stupid Oikawa and his stupid, stunning eyes. Stupid Oikawa and his stupid, perfect hair. Stupid Oikawa and his stupid, soft voice, and his stupid nicknames, and every other stupid thing about him. Iwaizumi could go on until it was impossible to believe _stupid_ was a real word. 

Stupid him, really, for losing his grip on his life in the first place. Stupid him for letting his best friend plague his mind every second of the day. Stupid him for being unable to sleep these feelings off. 

Stupid him for denying the reasoning behind these thoughts for so long. 

No. _No._ If he thought it, he'd start to believe it, and that was something he refused to do. The answer was right in front of him but he refused to reach out and grab it. After all, who would want to accept the fact that they're in love with the friend they can't afford to lose? 

_I'm so fucking stupid. Why the hell did I have to go and do this? Why can't I like literally anyone else? Why does it have to be him? I'm such a dumbass._

He rolled onto his side and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his face into his pillow. Of all the people in the world, of course he'd be cursed to love Oikawa. Of course he'd be cursed to love Oikawa, his best friend, who he'd be across the world from in just a few months. 

He didn't question this time why the thought of distance hurt him so much more than it did Hanamaki and Matsukawa. He knew now - no, he'd always known. The only difference was that now, he'd accepted it, because he can't even bring himself to be surprised about it anymore. That was just his luck at this point, wasn't it? It had been months since anything had gone according to plan for him. 

For a short moment, the softer side of his mind wonders if it's really such a bad thing. Iwaizumi had been friends with Oikawa for so long that he practically knew exactly the kind of person he'd be to date. For an even shorter moment, he lets himself wonder if his friend is any good of a kisser. 

He decides that he hates the softer side of his mind. 

Slowly, hesitantly, he opens his eyes, sitting up in bed and letting them adjust to the darkness of his room. The neon green numbers of the clock on his nightstand showed that it was barely past midnight. Thinking logically, he supposes it isn't too bad of a thing to happen. There were worse people to fall for - at least he knew Oikawa wasn't a terrible person, even if he was an annoying pain in the ass. Besides, even if Iwaizumi couldn't control the fact that he was in love with him, he could still control himself. It wasn't like he was going to confess to Oikawa right before he left for Argentina. This was real life, not some stupid romcom that Matsukawa would probably cry over - he could get over feelings. He'd meet new people when he went to California. 

Laying back down, he shut his eyes and tried to convince himself he was right. The feelings will fade, but their friendship will stay as strong as ever. "That's a promise I can actually keep," he muttered to himself, pulling his blanket closer to himself and trying once more to fall asleep. 

———

He barely got any rest before he was awoken by something hitting his window. _God, please no, not tonight,_ he thought to himself, but when he reached over to pull on his curtains, he saw that his bad luck had struck once again. Oikawa waved at him, pointing at Iwaizumi's house. Yawning, he gave him a simple thumbs up and forced himself to stand and go downstairs, trying to walk off his exhaustion. 

Oikawa was waiting at his door by the time Iwaizumi had unlocked and opened it. "What do you want?" He asked, raven hair a mess on his head, and Oikawa, the _asshole,_ had the audacity to laugh at him after waking him up at two in the morning. 

"Jeez, Iwa-chan, I guess sleep doesn't make everyone beautiful, huh?" He glared at his taller friend until Oikawa finally laughed nervously and got to the point. "I can't sleep. Can I come inside?"

Huffing, Iwaizumi nodded and stepped aside to let him in. "Were the rocks really necessary?" He asked as he shut the door behind him, forcing back a yawn. "Are you trying to recreate some shitty movie scene or something?"

Oikawa scoffed and the two made their way up the stairs and into Iwaizumi's room. "I'll have you know, if my life was a movie, it would be _great._ You're just mad because you would be a side character in it and I would be the super popular protagonist." 

"Nobody likes main characters more than side ones, Shittykawa," he muttered, sitting down on his bed. 

Oikawa quickly did the same, flopping down next to him and deciding he had the right to take up all the space and lay down on it. "Maybe, but you'd be the character that nobody ever remembers! That's just the kind of character you seem like!"

"I have not been your friend for the last decade to be a forgettable side character, Loserkawa." 

"Nobody wants to remember the asshole characters, Iwa-chan."

"I dunno; you said you'd be popular, so you're kinda proving yourself wrong there."

 _"Iwa-chan!_ Why are you always so mean?!" Oikawa cried, sitting up with a fake distressed expression on his face.

He laughed quietly, elbowing him. "Oi, you started it. Anyway, why the hell are you here again?"

"I told you, I couldn't sleep." Oikawa said, grabbing one of Iwaizumi's pillows and holding it to his chest. _Damn you, Shittykawa. Not everything you do has to be cute._ "And I wanted to talk to you."

"You could've just called," he said, glad that it was too dark to see the red he's sure his face must have become. It was a comment he wouldn't have cared about a year ago. It was annoying how much things had changed. 

"In person, I mean." Oikawa sighed, staring at the pillow in his hands. Iwaizumi knew that sigh - it was rare, but it was what he did nearly every time he was about to talk about how he felt and actually tell the truth. For a split second, Iwaizumi let his hopes rise, even if he knew they'd just be crushed. "Do you think we'll all still stay friends?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, turning on the lamp on his desk to finally give them a little light now that he was pretty sure his face was back to its normal color. 

"Me, you, Makki, and Mattsun. Do you think it'll last?" He paused. "And do your usual _'I'm Iwa-chan and I'm brutally honest, grr, I say shit a lot'_ thing." 

"What the hell?!"

"That's how you sound!"

"Just tell me to be honest next time, asshole! And I don't sound like that!" He chose to ignore Oikawa's childish _You do too!_ to answer him. "Makki and Mattsun are impossible to get rid of. You know that. No matter how far away from them you get, you'll still end up talking to 'em every day. Plus, you're still their go-to backup plan if they end up broke and on the streets." 

Oikawa laughed at that, nodding. "True." There was silence for a short moment before he spoke again. "What about us, Iwa-chan?"

It's not fair, he thinks, just how powerful those few words were to him. It's not fair that they were enough to make his chest ache and his throat tighten. It's not fair that Oikawa has so much power over his heart and he didn't even know it. 

_I really am a dumbass for falling for this prick._

"I...don't want us to drift apart," he began, picking his words carefully. "We've been friends for too long for that. So even if it'll mean dealing with shitty timezones, I'm willing to try to figure something out." His face warmed up despite how hard he tried to convince himself that it was a perfectly platonic-sounding thing to say. "Even though my life would be ten times easier not dealing with you." His insults used to sound at least a _little_ harsher than that, even after these kinds of moments. It pissed him off. 

He looked at Oikawa's small, genuine smile, cherishing the warmth that spread through him like a flower letting its petals bloom, and decided that even if he was a dumbass for falling for him, he should be allowed to think about how stunning the stupid idiot really was. 

"Thanks, Iwa-chan. Like you said, it'll be annoying, but we can handle it."

"You're a dumbass if you actually thought we couldn't."

"Wh - hey! You were thinking it too and you know it!" 

"Sure I was." He was. He very much was. In fact, it had been one of his most recurring thoughts in the past few weeks, but Oikawa didn't need to know that. 

Oikawa huffed and laid back down. "Can I spend the night? I'll leave before breakfast." 

Iwaizumi forced himself to stand. Impromptu sleepovers were common with the two of them, so he always kept extra blankets and pillows in his closet, just in case. He tossed them at Oikawa and pushed him off his bed and onto the floor. His friend glared at him from the floor. "You'd have more friends if you didn't push them off of beds, Iwa-chan." 

"It's _my_ bed, dumbass. I can push you out of it whenever I want." 

"You're always so mean to me!"

"Goodnight."

Oikawa sighed. "Sweet dreams, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi rolled onto his side and tried to ignore how tempting it was to get off of his bed and lay down next to him. A silence settled over the two of them, but not a peaceful one. They were both still awake, the air filled with a tension he didn't know the meaning of, when Oikawa spared him from questioning it by speaking.

"Hajime." His voice was barely a whisper, as though he was worried speaking any louder would break something. 

"Yeah?" Iwaizumi kept his response at the same volume, though he wasn't sure why. 

"After college, next time we see each other, I'll get you that ramen you mentioned."

"You better. I deserve it."

The silence returned immediately after. 

———

If Iwaizumi was honest, he'd admit that he probably wouldn't have survived college this long if it weren't for Oikawa ignoring their different timezones and texting him at every chance he got, be it about school or training or to send him videos of some of the games he'd played. But Iwaizumi _wasn't_ honest, which was the reason he'd scolded Oikawa for always being awake so many times in the past four years. 

**Tooru**

**Tooru:** did you watch the last match?? (◍•ᴗ•◍) you should if you didn't because i was the starting setter this time（⌒▽⌒）!!

 **Iwaizumi:** Why the hell are you awake, Shittykawa? It's like 4am over there 

**Tooru:** that's not an answer iwa-chan (╥_╥)  
it's getting late for you too!! why are you still awake??

 **Iwaizumi:** I'm studying. I've got my last exam tomorrow 

**Tooru:** smh iwa-chan you're gonna be exhausted when you go to take it if you don't get some sleep

 **Iwaizumi:** Speaking of that. Why are you awake. 

**Tooru:** this is why our conversations never get anywhere iwa-chan  
you better not fail your exams btw  
i know your jock brain is fragile but don't let it be your downfall ⊙︿⊙

 **Iwaizumi:** Goodnight, asshole.

 **Tooru:** sweet dreams (/^▽^)/ 💙 

He knew now that he was stupid to think his feelings would fade with distance, the feeling of floating that accompanied each text he received being clear proof of that. Stupid to fall in love and stupid to think he could get back up. Sighing, Iwaizumi stood up to stretch. Just one more exam to take, then he'd be an intern, and then he'd finally be back home in Japan, where Hanamaki and Matsukawa would be waiting to show off all of the weird jobs they'd gotten since he left. One day all four of them would be back together again. He wanted to believe that, and it was realistic enough, so he allowed himself to. And if he did so just to assure himself he'd see Oikawa again, that was no one's business but his own. 

He closed his laptop and set it on his desk to plug it in. Oikawa was right. He'd be too exhausted for his exam if he didn't get sleep soon. That was his own fault for taking morning classes, he guessed. Turning off the light, he laid down and pulled his blankets over himself, for once not ignoring the voice in the back of his head that sounded exactly like his friend. 

———

The Olympics were supposed to be a fun event for all those involved, whether they're just the viewers or the teams participating in them. Just like in every other game, there was no winner or loser until it ended. 

Iwaizumi thought he could consider the situation a losing game, though - at least for him, anyway. He didn't know whether it would be Japan or Argentina who'd take the gold metal, and quite honestly, he wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to let himself care. There was no winning in this situation, not for him - either his best friend's team won and Iwaizumi had to deal with most of Japan's team moping for a week or two, or Japan won and Iwaizumi had to not only deal with Oikawa being upset about it while being too far from him to throw a ball at him like he normally would, but also with Japan's team being even louder than usual for what would probably be months. 

He'd stolen plenty of glances at his childhood friend while helping the team warm up, but never let his eyes linger for more than a second. Seeing as he technically wasn't allowed to even cheer for Argentina, he didn't want to know what the rules said about hopefully not too obvious longing looks at their setter. He just had to wait until after the game, however long that would be, and then he'd be regretting wanting to talk to him so badly the second he heard Oikawa's voice. For a moment he wishes, not for the first time, that he'd never made the mistake of losing the control he'd once had in highschool, but pushes the thought away. It's far too late to go back and change that, after all. 

The teams finish warming up and Iwaizumi joins the other trainers off the court to watch. For not nearly long enough of a moment, brown eyes locked onto him as he did so. Before he'd registered it, the whistle blew, and so the game began. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hopes Oikawa knows that even if he can't cheer, he's rooting for him. 

———

Argentina won. Iwaizumi isn't surprised. Well - that's only half true, really. He's not surprised that Oikawa's team won, especially when he seems so close to all of his teammates. He _is_ surprised, however, that Oikawa had managed to beat not one, but two of the people he'd held grudges against for so long. For a short moment he wondered if that meant he'd finally start letting go of said grudges, but he knew him well enough to know that he'd never do that. 

It pissed him off a little, though, considering the rant he'd gone on the night after they lost to Karasuno. He'd told him that he'd beat him the next time they faced against each other, yet here he was, walking in a group with the losing team to leave the stadium. _Damn you and all the progress you've made, Shittykawa,_ he thought, but he knew he was fighting off a smile. 

"Iwaizumi-san," a deep voice to his right said. He glanced over to see that Ushijima had slowed his pace to walk beside him.

"Ushijima-san," he said, glad that he'd never held onto the same powerful grudge towards him that Oikawa did. It made him much easier to talk to. 

"Have you gotten a chance to speak to Oikawa-san yet?" Iwaizumi blinked slowly, staring at him in silence for a moment. Why did he care? _Shouldn't you be wallowing in self pity for a little while before you talked to me?_ At least he was keeping his voice lowered so the rest of the team wouldn't hear. That much he appreciated. 

"...No," he answered, confusion evident in his voice. "I can call him once we get back to the hotel and try to see him before we leave tomorrow, though, so don't worry about me. Thanks, though." 

Ushijima hummed in response, a habit Iwaizumi had noticed him picking up from Sakusa. "Are you sure you'll be able to?"

He raised a brow. "I mean, I'm hoping so, obviously. Why?" 

"Everyone can tell that you're glad Argentina won, Iwaizumi-san." 

_Shit._

If Ushijima of all people could see that he was more proud of Oikawa winning than he was Japan giving it their all, he must not be as good as hiding his emotions as he'd thought. He'd hoped that being around Oikawa for so long would make him as good as him when it came to that, but he guessed not. 

"Don't say that," he said, forcing a joking tone into his voice. "You'll get me fired." 

Ushijima hummed again. "If you want to try and find him now, go. It's been a few hours since the game ended; he should be about done with interviews by now." Iwaizumi stared at him. "I'll cover for you and tell the others that you left something behind and went back to get it." 

He was almost shocked enough to stop walking, but luckily forced himself to keep his legs moving. It was hard to believe that Ushijima, of all people, would be the one to make that offer. Sure, they were on fairly good terms, and Iwaizumi guessed he could consider him a friend, but if anyone on the team would say anything like that, he thought it fit someone like Hyakuzawa much more. "You'd do that?" 

Shiratorizawa's former ace nodded, looking ahead instead of meeting his eyes. "You mentioned once that you haven't seen each other in person for a long time. I wouldn't want you to have to wait any longer when he's so close now." _Why's it starting to sound like he knows I love the guy?_ "Are you going?" 

Iwaizumi sucked in a breath, glancing over at the unassuming members of the team, before nodding. "Yeah. Thank you, Ushijima-san." He said, forcing down his smile and letting himself fall to the back of the group and turning to walk in the opposite direction the second he was away from them. He pulled out his phone, glad for the fact that he was hidden in the crowd of people around him. 

**Tooru**

**Iwaizumi:** Are you done with interviews and shit yet?

A few short moments passed before he got a response just as impatience started making its way into his head.

**Tooru:** just finished my last one (∩_∩)  
why??

 **Iwaizumi:** Someone on the team gave me an excuse to get away from them. You wanna meet up?

He didn't like the way sending such a simple message made his heart pound in his chest. 

**Tooru:** !!  
wait for me outside  
i can get there in like  
10 mins 

**Iwaizumi:** Don't keep me waiting, asshole. I'm going back to the team if you do 

**Tooru:** be nice for one day iwa-chan 😔 i don't ask for much 

**Iwaizumi:** Just shut up. I'll see you soon 

**Tooru:** see you!! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ 

He wonders for a minute why Oikawa would be stupid enough to meet in the parking lot before remembering that _he_ was the stupid one for wanting to be somewhere more private, seeing as nothing had happened between them before and he had a feeling that anything happening between them anytime soon was an unrealistic thing to hope for. _I'm a fucking idiot._ Those were the words his thoughts mostly consisted of as he made his way to the parking lot, thankful that the team he worked for were probably already halfway to the hotel despite how it had only been a few minutes, probably led by one of Hinata and Kageyama's sudden races. 

He tapped his foot against the ground beneath it, looking up at the sun starting to set. The evening air was cold, each breath chilling his lungs as he stood and waited, glad that he'd get a few moments too calm himself before Oikawa showed.

They were meeting as nothing but friends that hadn't seen each other in a while - years, technically, but he preferred the way _a while_ sounded shorter than it actually had been - and they were nothing more than that. They weren't two lovers reuniting. They weren't the sun and the moon sliding into an eclipse. They weren't the drizzling rain and the blossoming flowers taking care of each other. 

They weren't in love with each other. What he felt was unrequited. Being anything more than friends was an incredibly unlikely possibility. 

He remembers Oikawa's older sister telling them that there's an alternate reality for every situation. He wonders if there's one where the two of them would work out, because he can't let himself hope that he's living in it. 

"Hajime." A light, familiar voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Iwaizumi let out a breath and turned to face him. 

He decides then that light must love Oikawa as much as he does. The light from the sunset in the background landed on the setter's face perfectly, illuminating every perfect detail Iwaizumi had missed seeing so much. He could see the sun's rays reflecting in the warm brown eyes he'd stared into so many times. He'd never dare say it aloud, but Oikawa Tooru truly was a star in human form. 

He's gotten a little taller. That pisses him off enough to snap him back into reality, where Oikawa's true form would be hidden once more. 

Iwaizumi opens his mouth to congratulate him on his victory, and maybe to call him a dumbass, but before he can Oikawa is walking forward and he's being pulled into a hug. "I missed you." 

He's still for a moment, allowing himself to melt into his touch, before raising his arms to hug him back. There it is again, that floating feeling he got with every text Oikawa sent him, except now he felt like if he ever let go of him, gravity would lose its grip on him. "I missed you, too." Unlike all other gentle moments they'd had, their voices weren't hushed. In fact, they almost sounded more powerful than usual - to Iwaizumi's ears, at least. "I missed you a lot. Even more than I thought I would." 

Oikawa rested his chin on his shoulder, arms tightening around him, and laughed, the sound vibrating through Iwaizumi's body. "Aw, is Iwa-chan finally admitting that he's a softy?"

"Oi, don't make me punch you this soon, asshole," he said harshly, but there was a smirk on his face as Oikawa simply laughed again. 

"Don't be mean, Iwa-chan." 

He's the same Oikawa that Iwaizumi has always known, but he feels so different now, now that they were standing under the newly risen full moon, holding each other in their arms. He doesn't know if it's because of the twisting feeling that now sat in his chest or if it was simply because Oikawa's body was bigger now, stronger, and while he wasn't too much of a twig in high school, the muscles were new, and they weren't the only thing. 

As silence fell over the two of them, far from a rare occurrence at this point, Iwaizumi realized just how warm Oikawa was compared to the rest of the world, now covered in the chill of the night. Another piece of proof that he's a star, he guesses. No human should be so perfectly warm and bright - Iwaizumi is convinced he would've noticed it before if Oikawa wasn't a gift from the galaxy to Earth. 

_It's not fair,_ he thinks to himself. _Anyone would fall in love with someone like him._

In a moment of reflection, he wonders if he ever really did lose control over his heart. He knew he was right - it's no surprise that he fell for him. Oikawa had been a source of light since they were too young for him to remember. He'd been the most consistent part of his life until the universe forced them to part ways. 

Did he really fall, he wonders, or did he sink to his knees a little more each day until he finally allowed himself to hit the ground? 

He took a deep breath, feeling Oikawa's hair tickle his cheek, and decides it's time for him to have control again. 

"I love you." 

His voice is just barely louder than it was before, the words filled with a confidence he didn't think he had in him, and despite the pounding of his heart and the screaming of his lungs as he held his breath, he could hardly feel the fear that had always filled him at the thought of saying those three words. 

Oikawa stiffened and for a moment Iwaizumi was almost convinced that he'd pull away, but he knew him better. He could feel his friend's heart pounding just as quickly as his own. There was a reason why Oikawa hadn't pushed him out of his arms yet, and he wouldn't let himself regret this until he learned what it was. There were some positive sides to being in love with someone you'd always known and learned the behavior of, and it was that you at least knew what their reaction to hearing it meant. 

"I love you, too, Hajime." 

Time seemed to freeze for a moment, the wind pausing in its movement, the stars no longer twinkling, their hearts stopping, and far too quickly it resumed, the world falling back into its natural order. Iwaizumi let out the breath he'd held in his chest, taking a moment to recover before he acted. 

It's almost funny, he thinks, that he was the one to pull himself out of their hug first to meet Oikawa's eyes. To an outsider, Oikawa was the more confident of the two - it was hard not to believe, after all, with how big his ego was - but Iwaizumi knew his anxieties would never have let him pull away. "Tooru," he began, the name spilling off his tongue in an unfamiliar yet comfortable way. Brown eyes stared into green ones, and Iwaizumi continued. "Can I kiss you?" 

Wordlessly, Oikawa nodded. Slowly, almost hesitantly, Iwaizumi raised his head and pressed their lips together. 

It was small at first, but it felt like he'd been struck by lightning. Somewhere in the back of his head he remembers reading a love story assigned by one of his teachers. He remembers the main character going on and on about how falling in love felt soft, sweet, peaceful even, and how kissing them for the first time was an even gentler feeling, and as their lips shift against each other, he wonders if the author has never been in love before or if the way it felt was situational. He's not sure. Maybe the story of him and Oikawa is simply more unique than the story of the protagonist and her love interest. 

This is it. This is the control over his heart that he'd missed so much.

The two seperate only when the need for air becomes too much, Oikawa resting his forehead against his the second they parted. It's quiet for a moment, listening to the sound of the wind in the leaves, before Oikawa speaks. "You know, I still owe you that ramen." 

Iwaizumi laughs breathlessly, moving away to elbow the other in the side. "Then let's go get me some, asshole. You're gonna have to help me come up with an excuse to tell the rest of the team, though. I don't think I'm supposed to go on a date with the enemy." 

Oikawa laughed, stepping back. "Yeah, whatever. Come on; I wanna pay off my debts." 

And if the two walk to the nearest restaurant with their hands linked together, well - that's no one's business but their own.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact this was supposed to be like 2k words and then i went apeshit anyway hope you enjoy
> 
> this was my first time writing iwaizumi so i hope it didn't turn out too bad for a first try ^^;


End file.
